Are You OK?

We hear and say this phrase over and over again, especially here on the East Coast after Storm Sandy, but what are we really saying? 

Sometimes when the question is asked the answer is a superficial “everything is OK” in an attempt to relieve the anxiety of the questioner. Other times the questioner is overwhelmed when the answer comes back filled with troubles and losses that are unsolvable. Sometimes we “tune out” and ignore others rather than face the anxiety of not being able to help someone who is suffering,

In its most pure and universal form “Are You OK?” is an expression of love. Rather than a question, it is really a statement: “Even though it does not seem like it, all is well. We are with each other right now in this moment.” 

Love is a quality of being that is attentive. It is our capacity to listen in order to understand. 

Problems can arise with the question “Are You OK?” when it is translated into “How are you feeling?” or “What’s wrong?” Instead of a statement of assurance, it becomes anxious concern and an invitation to dwell in fear.

Even when we are frightened, the question, “Are You OK?” can be asked and answered with the awareness that one is reaching out to another with love and compassion.  Not necessarily with answers and action.

We don’t know what we will hear or what we will say. Beyond the thought that we “should” be able to help, have the answers, or know what to do, is the capacity to listen – to ourselves, to another and to Divine Inspiration. 

The truth may be that in that moment we do not know what to do or say or what action will be helpful. Knowing that we don’t know, and that we don’t need to know relieves the anxiety of thinking we “should” know. This allows love to listen. And if there is a helpful response beyond listening, it will become clear.

Does The Squeaky Wheel Get the Grease?

I grew up hearing my mother use this phrase often. She offered up many examples confirming it through her encounters with school administrators, health bureaucracies, etc. But, is it a guide to harmonious living? Is it a right idea? Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that there are more and more “squeaky wheels” in the media and in politics. While they may or may not get the “grease” they sure seem to take up space while generating agitation.

Yet, if one doesn’t “squeak,” will needs be met?

When the overriding concern is “having my needs met,” whether it is stated loudly or silently, there will be conflict, agitation and frustration. The mental climate becomes a stage where the needs of one struggle to dominate, or subvert, the needs of another.

The healthy alternative is to see our selves not as independent people struggling against each other, but as individual expressions of an infinite larger whole. Do the leaves of the tree struggle with each other for resources?

The truth is that each unique leaf, engaged in being, is part of the health of the whole tree – with no drain on its individual wellbeing.

I can hear the question right now: “This sounds very nice, but, where is this infinite whole and where do we plug in to have our needs met?” “Has God ever sent me a check?”

The Infinite Whole is invisible to the eyes, ears and brain. Yet we can become aware of it. We cannot see harmony, intelligence, or honesty, yet we can be aware of their presence.

Just as the mental focus on “getting my needs met,” will manifest tension, conflict and frustration, the interest in wholeness, harmony, intelligence, benevolence, honesty and other spiritual qualities will manifest effortless harmonious living where all needs are met.

Fine Print: There is a “catch-22.” If one attempts to be interested in wholeness, harmony, etc. with the idea that then their needs will be met – it won’t work. As the bible says: “God will not be mocked.” The Infinite Whole is a Truth system – only when there is complete recognition and appreciation for the truth that we are here to “be” what already is, not to “get,” what we do not have, will we open to the true blessings of existence.